I kept writing, but couldn’t find the emotional ‘pagh’ to post. Which is okay. I’m working accepting my own need for a break so soon after I’d gotten started.
I’ve spent the last several days going through what I have written and queuing it up for posting. Most of it is related to racism and grief, don’t get me wrong I have a few ideas half started about a research project, things I’m loving, and life changes… But with these glaring injustices happening around me everyday, it’s hard to find passion in other places.
I’m sitting at my desk, triple fisting it… I’ve got my coffee flavored greek yogurt, lavender soda water, and an iced coffee with me. My cat is asleep behind me on the couch. Nick is playing Minecraft… this is my break from studying before going for a quick adventure into the world to pickup a beautiful plant. A monstera I’m super excited about, it’ll probably go in my office when we move, though I admit I have no idea where to put it between now and then.
We will likely go play board games in the park tonight. If the air flowing in through the open windows is any indicator, the weather will be great. I slept 12 hours last night after a taxing Friday. Today has been smooth and easy. I woke up, watched some DS9, and then went through our house inspection details and studied. I’m not sure what I’m trying to convey sharing all that, I guess I just want to illustrate this place I’m in.
My brain and emotions are on fire and have been since June. But in so many ways life is quiet and full of mundane day to day things. School, work, TV, plants, games… My focus is a bit all over. I’m hurting, angry, and ready for this fight…. I’m also enjoying the tail end of summer, breathing, and doing what I can to push on and enjoy this life I’ve been given.
So whether you’re working day 200 and some through this pandemic or just starting back after an isolating several months. Whether you’re grieving a fresh loss with no funeral plans available or grieving the loss of the life you had before. Whether you’re stressed about sending your kids back to school or about how to homeschool. Maybe it’s the phone bills, the fact that your hair is too damn long, the fact that your computer is slow, the car needs to go in for a fix, or you can’t find your keys. Whatever it is. The small everyday life stuff that’s piling up on top of pandemic, job, and social justice stresses.
We’re all there. We are trying to move forward. Trying to make informed decisions with no information. Trying to stay safe from an invisible threat. Cry, scream, take a breath, ask for help. We can create balance. Take the time you need though. Even if it means hitting pause. You can always pick the pen back up when you get there.
Find a nice cup of yogurt, water, coffee… something 🙂 and take a seat.
Coffee & Conundrums 