*disclosure: This the conclusion to a week long journal project I wrote in June 2020. This was written over two months later on September 3rd . I spent the first week of June 2020 starting a journey to understand and educate myself on racism in America and world wide, to understand my own racism and to start to work that I will be doing everyday for the rest of my life. This was the start of my journey, I was (and am) still learning. I’m just sharing my process, in hopes that it helps. This isn’t meant as a manual and I’m not an expert…. this is meant to provoke thought, educational processes, and action. . Please read Days 1-7 first.
Day 81:
In the last 70 plus days… wow. It feels crazy to say that it’s been that long. Day 8 ended up being incredible in so many ways. Both the opportunity to make space for my own grief and making space for my partner and his feelings. It was the day off we both needed. It contained the most honey conversation we had ever had about race.
I found myself participating in another week-long movement, less focused directly on activism, but focused on fashion, specifically lifting and supporting the content of some fashion bloggers on instagram. I used BIPOC fashion accounts to inspire my own fashion for the week. It was really fun and helped me to diversify and discover even more.
I finally got to put up my posters on Day 9 or 10. I started classes, a research project, and another, bigger racism related writing project. Through June I continued to read and share. It was eye opening and emotional. I went back to work. I started ordering from only companies started by BIPOC. I continued the work, but it was hard and July ended up sort of eating me alive. It took me almost a month to create a good balance.
And another month to find a way to share it with the world again. Managing the everyday stresses of life, adding COVID, violence, violations of rights, class, work, maintaining relationships, and buying a house… It just took time. I took a break from Social Media. I continued to donate, read, and stay aware. Finally I was able to create a balance that works again.
At first I felt really ashamed of my own inability to continue at the daily pace I was working at. I felt guilty. I’m white. I can step away, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be better than that. I think most of August has been me working to be okay with the fact that I stepped away from my social media. All that said, it comes down to doing what you can, when you can, giving it your all, learning and listening… And in order to do any of that, you have to tend to yourself, your wellbeing, your life.
I have no doubts that some of what I have written is problematic. I know I have and will continue to mess up. But I will also continue to keep working on facing my own racism. I’m going to watch Rachel Rickett’s Spirtual Activism 102 soon. I’ll keep writing and doing the work as best I can. Please remember to listen to what BIPOC are saying and follow THEIR lead ❤
There’s lots of work to do.
Coffee & Conundrums 