Not unlike my complex relationship with Christmas… Valentines comes with it’s own set of complications. I’ve done it nothing, alone, something cool with friends, and something sweet with partners. I think it’s overrated, but can be fun. Last year I planned a neon valentines dance with my students, and it was a blast.
This year… like everything else, it can either be much simpler or much more complicated. But with all our favorite date nights currently unavailable to us and our relationship, while strong, still feeling the inevitable stresses of the last year… I wanted to make sure I came up with a few fun things to do. So I started by decorating a little bit… and went from there.
Nick and I like to give gifts and we’re terrible at surprises and waiting… so I started off the week before, giving him a small gift. A replacement keychain for one that had gotten damaged. The original had been mine and was a little carving with my name. He had asked a few years ago if he could carry it, and got upset when it was damaged. So I got him a new one.
For the week it’s self I ordered ‘Talk Flirt Dare’ from Amazon, with little to no intention of actually playing the games, but to use them for ideas and inspiration. I made sure to pick up some plain brown gift bags I could decorate and that all the little gifts I wanted were ordered.
Starting the Valentines week off right though mattered to me. I picked out a small gift (a magnetic wrist band to hold screws when wood working), ordered a special treat just for him (red velvet cupcake), and pre-planned 5 activities for the evening that he could pick two or three from depending on how he was feeling. Descriptions and directions all laid out in a cute little note. Gift, Note, and Cupcake went in a decorated bag for him to see when he first walked in.
When you consider that it was a Monday and Nick was working I wanted to make sure that the activities ranged how involved they were and how much and what kind of energy the required. Below was my list and what I did to prep.
- Massage hour (I prepped towels, lotion, oil, a sheet, music, and candles in a basket I left on the bed)
- Couples Spa Night (hair and skin care… made sure I had good skin and hair masks, nail files, eyebrow stuff, and the stuff we use for deep conditioning Nicks Afro)
- Sexy Dare time. (I picked 10 cards I liked the most, wrapped them up and included them in the bag)
- Dinner and a movie (at home, my treat or prep, He loves to cook so I wanted that to be an option, but also wanted to make sure I helped)
- Grocery shopping (needed to be done either that day or the next, so I made sure we had a good list, and that the adult stuff was still an option if he was feeling up to it)
Tuesday I was going to be super busy and I knew that. So I planned for use to take some time in the evening a do one of the things he hadn’t picked for the night before. Prep for all of it was easy and cheap and had already been done. We also made a plan to take a lunch break together. I think when we have all been spending soooo much time together, planning more or special time falls to the side, but it’s important and I think it also helps us to feel like it’s more okay to give or take space later as well.
Wednesday night I had a meeting and I knew that it needed to just be a normal night in most ways. So I planned to give Nick gift and a note and maybe an extra kiss. The gift I planned for Wednesday was something that was a little emotional and heavy, but that I felt would be really important to him and us in the future. Obviously, for yourselves, if you’re using this a manual, make something, get something small… go for a walk or just put a little extra effort in on something you would normally do.
Thursday night I put some extra effort into planning a nice workout and meal for our evening. This is something that we have been putting more time into as a couple and I wanted to make sure that he knew I was there for it. I also got him a new workout shirt. He won’t get them for himself and I know I always feel more confident when I have cute workout clothes.
Friday night I planned another small gift… cheesy for sure. Tokens. For everything from sexy stuff to laundry and get out of jail free cards. While he may never use them… I got some for both of us and I certainly will. While I struggle with some of this cheesy stuff, I know especially when our favorite date spots are closed, we’re not seeing friends, and work is hard, it’s good to have a nonverbal way to let your person know what you need today.
Nick asked for some time on Saturday to do something he wanted, so I made sure that I had some plans for myself and that he had the time he needed. A good reminder that taking care of others sometimes means taking time alone and taking care of you. Space is important. Not always easy in a quarantine… but important.
Nick made fun and different dinner plans for us on Sunday, the actual day. It ended up being a fabulous day and a romantic evening. I had a card and another small gift for him… all in all a successful week. I guess I just wanted to share. Sometimes this stuff can feel arduous or like it HAS to be pricey or a certain way. It doesn’t. Our anniversary is in March and in an effort to make sure that I build some of this into more of a habit… I even got a couple of things to work on and do with him, between now and then.
Take time for your people. Plan simple, meaningful, and cheap. Most of all remember that it isn’t about gifts, dinner or flowers or chocolate and cards… it’s about you and your partner!
Coffee & Conundrums 