*this post is best enjoyed with a glass of wine or some iced coffee, in my personal opinion. …. got it? Ready? Okay, now sit back and lets jump in.
Last week I tried to incorporate the complicated, diverse, misunderstood, and often misused Tofu into two dishes. But before we get into the details of that, lets delve a little deeper, after all a big part of me wanting to share this adventure I’m on, is in fact to explore some of my more complicated feelings about food. Don’t worry, we won’t unpack the whole suitcase tonight, just the carry on.
I’ve never exactly been a small kid, but I wasn’t always overweight or obese either. I’m 5’9”, with what my grandma calls ‘wooden shoe shoulders’, and at a healthy weight (according to my doctor anywhere between 170 and 200 depending on what kind of activity I’m doing) my cup size is a D. I’m not genetically set up to be a small person… and I’m the shortest female on my moms side of the family.
I think between our height, wide Dutch shoulders, and tendency for bigger breasts… lots of the women in the last three generations have struggled with self image, weight loss, weight gain, and eating disorders. I have in the past… And I came back, but did I come too far? It’s complicated. It’s hard. Fear of an eating disorder and my own desire to rebel against the bullshit that is societies ideas of how much space I should be allowed to take up have led me to reject any kind of restriction or even moderation. Nicks kick ass cooking and my own love of good food has taken it to the other extreme… peoples response to my body taking up too much space, makes me want to change even less.
But my desire to be healthy for my community and my future pushes me the other way. My desire to have a healthy relationship with food that isn’t wrought with guilt, shame, and the adrenaline of saying fuck it. Which brings me to the other side of this…. in the grand scheme of things, we don’t eat unhealthy food, just too much of it. We don’t eat much in the way of processed stuff, we eat whole grains, fruits, veggies, and organic free range proteins, and rarely beef or pork products. We don’t use too much salt, or eat dessert every day. We don’t order out more than once a week most of the time.
Which was about the time my mom started consistently using tofu… so naturally I decided I hated it (along with yoga, meditation, folk music, and vegetables, all of which I’ve since changed my mind on.) But tofu has remained in this gray area of hesitation. I don’t love it or hate it. I think sometimes the texture is slimy, the color gets gray… I don’t like that. I don’t like when it’s passed off as something else… it’s not chicken, and it doesn’t taste like it. But I’ve also really enjoyed it.
Growing up, as a young person, I ate fish, venison, some other wild birds and game … sometimes my parents would buy half of a pig or something for the winter. I ate vegetarian for no small amount of time. But as my appearance and weight became more of an issue for me and for others, and as I entered into my teenage years, I wanted to rebel and resist, in all the typical ways. One of which was rejecting some of the ways I was raised and wanting to try the processed crap food.
I want to enjoy it more. So… First I added it to my second rendition of the TikTok Feta Pasta. After I made it the first time I was a little irritated by the lack of good protein in the dish, I woke up really hungry the next morning. It just didn’t stick with me.
So this time around, at around the halfway mark for the tomatoes and feta roasting, I cut up and seasoned some firm tofu with garlic, olive oil, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper. Then I simply added that on top of the tomatoes and feta. It turned out great (there’s going to be a more specific post on how I changed the recipe). Filled me up much faster, added a new textural element to the dish, and fit nicely.
Over all this time, it turned out WAY better, not just because it was a bit healthier, but because I fixed 95% of the stuff I wanted to fix last time. I saved pasta water for the sauce, had fresh herbs, and cooked it all to perfection. I forgot the lemon zest, again. But other than that 🙂 would 100% recommend trying this out for yourself!
Coffee & Conundrums 