Do You Still Care?

Checking in with myself and with you… on the anti-racist work we all started over a year ago.

It’s been more than a year since the protests started in response to the murder of George Floyd by police. Last summer was filled with every kind of protest and movement. People took notice and with COVID keeping so many of us at home, away from work… or just straight up laid off, we didn’t have anything else going on. That said, so much of it was performative and while I’m not sure how many white people were able to identify that right away, it was brought to our attention. I definitely made some performative, misguided, and racist mistakes last summer. I also learned a lot.

I learned that it’s important to follow the lead of those who are experiencing the inequities. It’s important to put your money where your mouth is. I learned that I can’t fight every cause. I learned a lot about my own privilege, my own learned racism, and that the work is never ending. And while it took a good deal of time, I learned to help in the ways that I can and in ways that I’m passionate about, because this isn’t just a one summer thing, this is for life.

A local artist, activist, educator I really love Courtney Ahn (@courtneyahndesign on instagram) shared some art and thoughts earlier that got me thinking about where I am now in my own work to be anti-racist, compared to where I was a year ago… most specifically what I am doing right still? What bad habits have I slid back into, and where do I go from here?

Reading what Courtney Ahn wrote about losing support on social media platforms, got me thinking about my own demographics. Last year I made a point to find and follow more creators of color… specifically BIWOC. I went through my least interacted with on my instagram and for the most part, it’s a bunch of people I should’ve unfollowed a year ago (boy did it feel good to rid myself of the last of the body shaming and white privilege that had hung on). I also went through who I still follow and I was pleasantly surprised, making the effort a year ago lead me to even more diverse, unique, and wonderful creators. My feed is full of art, homes, thoughts, stories, faces, and bodies… from around the world, in all different shapes, shades, genders, etc. All that said, I’m going to continue to make sure that I like, share, and comment more diligently when it’s something/someone I want to support.

Courtney asked if we will still care when violence isn’t being filmed? For me that answer feels easy, “YES”, but it’s more complicated than that, I know that most of my activism right now is small, more education focused. So I double checked that monthly my donations to Black Lives Matter and Don’t Shoot PDX are still going through. They are. I also donate to one person or cause each month locally and through Kiva I lend money world wide. There are parts of this fight that I’m not in right now and that’s okay. But it’s also important to me that I use my means, my privilege, and my money to continue to support where I can. By giving money locally, nationally, and world wide, I know I’m making an impact and that they people who really know the need are putting it to good use.

The last slide Courtney shared asked if we will still care when it means we have to challenge our own community? This one is simpler for me in a few ways. Most of my immediate community agrees with me and I don’t have a problem disagreeing when I need to. And the education side of this activism is something I really enjoy on a small scale. I use my little free library and work with kids to share anti-racist messages and to amplify the voices of diverse story tellers and authors. I use my social media and this blog to talk about racism, to amplify and support where I can, to examine my own bias, and to encourage others to do the same. I do what I can to challenge my community and to help build a better, anti-racist one.

What about when it means giving up your own privilege? I’m sure there will be times when this is harder…. Right now, it’s my extra cash for the month, time and energy. I hope there comes a time when I’m asked to give more, when I can give me. I know it won’t be easy, but it will be right.

Which brings me to the questions I asked myself… Do I still care?

Yes. It’s not as all consuming as it was last summer, but it’s something I think about daily now, where as before last summer it was something I thought about maybe weekly.

Are you still doing the work?

Yes. My work and journey are not the same as one else’s, nor should they be. I think I was looking for step by step instructions to being anti-racist for a while… and there aren’t any. There are guidelines, places to start, and things you do need to do to be anti-racist, but those won’t look the same for any two people.

The other things I would say about doing the work is that it will be hard sometimes. It IS hard sometimes… whether it’s catching myself thinking “How can I be less racist that my black partner?” or forgetting my own privilege until someone else points it out, and then feeling like a giant baby afterward. There are SO many moments. But I notice these now. I work through them, I get up and move forward. I pick the work back up every time and it gets easier every time, because sometimes getting back to it can be as simple as picking up a book by a black author, that features a story with more than one non-white character, maybe no white characters. I read it, I share it, I plan lessons around it and share those. I donate the book and give it to the community around me.

It’s not perfect, but I’ve found ways to incorporate the work into things I love to do. I’ve found my small ways of sharing the work and amplifying voices. Which is so much more than I was ever doing before. So for those of you still struggling to find your place in the racial justice movement… I would encourage you to find a space you already love. And I would encourage you to donate what time and money you can.

Lastly, what do you want to better with and what are your goals for your own anti-racist journey?

I want to be better at finding ways of talking about racism with my grandparents. I want to continue to try to have those conversations. I want to start an anti-racist section for my little library, to expand it and continue to feature more diverse stories. I want to read more of those stories myself. I want to celebrate and uplift more BIWOC artists and get more involved locally with communities of color, to continue the work, to help uplift their communities as a whole, to join in fellowship, and to amplify their voices.

Do you still care?