Don’t get me wrong, I know so many of us are REALLY burned out with the global pandemic, and contributing to that burn out is the total saturation of the media we consume with COVID related stuff. I already write about it a lot… it’s my own way of coping with it all, and I try to be mindful of that. I don’t want to add to the problem for others, but I really wanted to write something more positive, something more reflective of how I WANT to feel and the place at which I hope to arrive here soon.
I want to start by recognizing the fatigue, grief, trauma, and exhaustion. ‘Cause even in the best of circumstances, a dramatic shift in life like this, will at least come with some growing pains. When the guidelines, rules, social pressures, and expectations are constantly phasing, your ears hurt, you haven’t seen a loved one in months… whatever it is. Even the luckiest of us are hurting. And that is exhausting. We are ALL fatigued.
Depending on where you live, work, play, around whom you do all those things, and what resources you have, your current COVID situation is different. This post will probably be most helpful for those of you who are vaccinated, living in a place where most others are too, and you aren’t struggling too much with funds or resources… and I wanted to take a quick moment to acknowledge that we ARE ALL experiencing this differently. I hope even if that doesn’t sound like your current experience, some where in here you find something that will work for you, help you to talk about it, or at least make you smile.
Even in households we find different experiences. For us, it’s the Give-A- Fuck spectrum, I have been sliding back and fourth across that spectrum on a weekly, if not daily basis since August and Nick finds himself on the “I don’t” end of that spectrum more days than not now. Some days we find ourselves on opposing ends of that spectrum.
Some days or weeks I find myself really not caring anymore; Not about masks, vaccines, or the numbers. And it’s true for me that most everyone in my bubble and in my heart is vaccinated, masking, and careful. Which is wonderful and removes me somewhat from the aftermath of not caring. And when you’re removed from the immediate after math, and you’re one of the people who IS doing what we “should” 90% percent of the time… it’s exhausting when the people you see hurting are the people who wouldn’t even do it 10% of the time. It’s hard to care sometimes and as hard as it is to stomach… it’s okay that it’s hard.
Other days/weeks I find myself checking in with guidelines and numbers in my area. Checking the news for updates that might help me be more prepared. These are the days I don’t notice the pain behind my ears or feel the sudden anxiety of suffocation behind my mask. These are the days when the conversations about what extra steps we need to take come easily. I try to use the days I have that extra capacity to do as much of the hard work that I can, so that the days when masking and social distancing feel harder, I’m not also trying to have the hard conversations or checking 4 different stores for tests.
Knowing Who is Hurting and Who Needs Help: Whether it’s just a quick look at the numbers or an in-depth dive into the indigenous communities around me. It’s okay if there are days you can’t emotionally or mentally deal with this kind of information, but some days it helps me to have a better grasp of the people hurting who don’t fit the stereotype I’ve come to really resent sometimes. It gives me a purpose and reason to keep doing the work, when that work starts to feel pointless.
Talking Honestly with our Bubble: Cases are so wide spread and varied with the new strain. If you’re leaving your house, you are accepting some risks. That’s just the reality and so when I can, I try to have conversations with Nick and my bubble about what risks we are okay accepting, what precautions we are taking, and how they’re feeling. These are honest and judgement free zones… we are all in different circumstances, and sometimes it means we need to stop seeing someone in the same ways for a while, sometimes we need to change what we’re doing… and sometimes it just means a check in and reassurance that we’re all still in the same place.
Accepting Risks and Preparing as Best We Can: When we have had those conversations and decided we are doing something, accepting the risks that come with it… then it’s a matter of trying to make sure that we have as much as we can in place to do it as safely as possible and to deal with any potential exposures or other issues as best we can. For me that might mean making sure we are good on supplies for if we did need to quarantine again or did feel sick. Maybe it means having extra or preemptive conversations with others. Sometimes it’s doing research… sometimes it’s just taking some deep breaths and reminding myself that my vaccine will do what it’s supposed to.
Upgrading our Masks: Another big prep item I did this last week. The Omicron variant is MUCH more contagious than other variants and an N95, KN95, or KN94 is best. That said, those masks are also really important for medical staff, so don’t go buying them all up. I did some research and purchased a 50 pack for us to use when indoors and around people we don’t know. Ultimately, well fitting, thicker masks are the goal here, so I put away any single layer masks and looser fitting masks. I ordered more filters for our masks with filter pockets and I started saving some wires to add to masks without nose wires. When we’re outside or with friends who have been vaccinated and recently tested we will use our cloth masks with filters. And because we are human and people who need breaks, we have a four or five people, we wont wear masks with at all.
Ordering Home Tests: While these can be cost prohibitive and availability is a bit of a nightmare. Having at home rapid tests have provided us with lots of peace of mind over the last few weeks. We don’t hang out with or see people who are unvaccinated, but with vaccinated and even boosted people catching omicron and many of us finding ourselves in these weird situations where we MIGHT have been exposed… being able to take a test at home, get quick results, and then knowing that with the other precautions we are taking, that the negatives are statistically correct, it’s given us peace of mind in a big way… and has be been great for our friends and coworkers too.
Lastly, just remember that this isn’t linear, it’s complex, and while there are definitely some ‘right’ ways to do some of this, it isn’t all a given. So take 3 deep breaths. i hope you find at least one thing in here to be helpful and let me know how you’re managing the fear, anxiety, responsibility, etc.
Coffee & Conundrums 